How to Read People

When it comes to defending yourself in a rough situation, most people run into trouble simply because they never see trouble coming. By the time they realize something is wrong, it’s far too late to defend themselves.

Now there are only two choices for defending against these types of “surprise attacks.”

1. You can become constantly guarded and end up like Mad-Eye Moody from the Harry Potter series (“Constant Vigilance!”). This route turns into paranoia and takes away your ability to meet new people, be open and friendly, and really to enjoy life at all.
2. You can learn to read people, trust you instincts and defuse or avoid dangerous situations before they get too far beyond your control. This route means that you can be open to meeting new people and enjoying social situations, trusting your own abilities to recognize and handle any situation.

I know which one I prefer.

So How Do You Read People?

The first things to ingrain in yourself is summed up very well by this adage, imparted to me by a good friend of mine:

“When someone shows you who they really are – believe them.”

Your gut reactions are important to your self defense future. Those immediate, snap-decisions that we have all taught ourselves to deny are extremely valuable to keeping you safe.

Too often in our politically correct society we’re taught that we “shouldn’t judge a book by its cover” and we shouldn’t judge others based on their looks. And these philosophies have done great things for social equality, but it’s taken away our prime method for keeping ourselves safe.

How many times have you seen someone who just looked dangerous and chided yourself for thinking such thoughts? Maybe you saw someone who looked dirty, shabby and mentally gave yourself a slap on the wrist for wanting to shy away from him. It’s happened to all of us at some point in our lives. We feel bad for judging someone who might be perfectly nice.

Now I’m not telling you that every shabby looking man on the street is secretly out to get you, I’m simply pointing out that you need to be more trusting of your own snap judgments. There is a reason that we all have these instincts – we’ve evolved them to keep ourselves safe. If you start ignoring them, you give up your ability to avoid danger.

Body Language on the Street

Many people think they need to develop some super power or ninja-like ability to read body language to keep themselves safe. Nothing could be further from the truth. You already know how to read body language well enough, some people simply don’t pay enough attention to the world around them for it to make any difference.

If everyone could pay enough attention to what’s going on around them, no one would feel inadequate about their ability to read people. Start turning your attention outward while you’re in social situations. Start noticing what others around you are doing. While you drive, try to mentally keep tabs on where every car is around you. Try to think like Sherlock Holmes, noticing clues and details, connecting dots around you instead of being absorbed in your own thoughts.

These exercises in mindfulness will do wonders for your observational and people reading skills. Don’t worry about learning individual body language traits. In the moment, you won’t have the time to think about those types of details. We can all identify when someone is acting in ways that we feel are “sketchy” or suspicious.

Learn to trust your instincts when you observe these things without second guessing yourself or pretending that being politically correct is more important than keeping yourself out of danger.

And always remember: “When someone shows you who they really are – believe them.”